Women mature sexually much later than men do

Women mature sexu­ally much later than men do so a young woman[i] is very unlikely to discover orgasm with a lover. Over time a woman’s body may respond to being stim­u­lated by a lover and her mind may respond to the more subcon­scious turn-ons asso­ci­ated with sexual activity.

Women are not spon­tan­eously aroused so it is never apparent (alone or with a lover) even to them what stim­u­la­tion they need for orgasm. For a younger woman inept clit­oral stim­u­la­tion can be highly uncomfortable.

Anyone who is aroused by a lover’s body stim­u­lates the anatomy that turns them on because it assists with their own orgasm. Lesbians may stim­u­late the breasts and the vagina. Such sensa­tions act as an erotic turn-on so that the stim­u­la­tion assists with arousal but if women are aiming for orgasm they stim­u­late the clit­oris (not the vagina or the breasts).

Whether alone or with a lover stim­u­la­tion is similar but arousal is different. The clit­oris has to be stim­u­lated with a ‘feather-light’ touch. It takes years of dedic­a­tion for a man to learn how to stim­u­late the clitoris.
The conscious use of fantasies does not transfer to sex with a partner. To exper­i­ence orgasm with a lover it is vital that a woman knows what turns her on and what orgasm feels like. The exper­i­ence of masturb­a­tion does not guar­antee orgasm with a lover (by any means) but the fact that a woman can stim­u­late herself to orgasm indic­ates that she is capable of orgasm (she has the minimum sexual respons­ive­ness needed for orgasm).

It often appears as if men are intent on orgasm. Yet rather than discuss orgasm men like to talk about the turn-ons that initiate their arousal cycle that culmin­ates in orgasm. Women do not exper­i­ence sex drive or arousal (as men do) so orgasm may have more signi­fic­ance for women.

But even if she does even­tu­ally discover how to orgasm with a lover, a woman is not as strongly motiv­ated by sex as men tend to be (nor does she want it as often) because of the effort involved in achieving orgasm.
A woman has to be in the mood to relax and to allow a lover to pleasure her. Her lover has to be motiv­ated to explore providing continual clit­oral stim­u­la­tion regard­less of orgasm. The end result is completely different.
The phys­ical sensa­tions are very pleas­ur­able but there is not the same sense of psycho­lo­gical release. They do not compare with the more satis­fying orgasms that come from the use of fantasy during masturbation.
[i] Many younger females … may engage in such specific­ally sexual activ­ities as petting and even inter­course without discern­ible erotic reac­tion. (p157 Kinsey 1948)